It just happens. Kahit anong pilit mong intindihin eh hindi kaya. You just cannot get your head to do clear thinking. Ang dami na man kaseng factors contributing to clouded thinking eh. I just have to get my acts together and realize that the decisions I will be making after is not something I will regret for the rest of my life. Jeez...this is how everything gets complicated when you realize ang tanda ko nah...do i really have to make such choices and be respoinsible for my actions? Sana peding sabihin...uhmm..pause teka pede maya n lang akong mag isip? pedeng maya n lang ang lahat? i think i am not making any sense. hahaha...stupid me...
It helps me create happy thoughts. It makes me say it feels good to be alive. Helps me get through a busy day specially when all I do for 9 hours at work is think that my feet will only get hurt at the end of a 12 hour shift. It makes me stop, think (for a split second) and I smile. Even if I am like this at some point though it creates unnecessary anxiety I thought I only had back then when everything was blurry and incomplete. I am blindly following a feeling. I am human.
i felt a sense of belongingness. sympre! nothing beats home. the moment i set foot on DIA or also known as Francisco Bangoy International Airport i knew i'll be having a great time as always. First off with the so-called homecoming was lunch as Karlyn's, you'll never believe the steak ala pobre i had twas so affordable (no offense!) ang mahal kase ng Abuhan back in Cebu with the same menu. Then I went to SM Davao, same old same old but there were already pretty cool stores inside. Dahil wala n man talaga akong gagawin dun, i had a courtesy call with a very good friend, let's name her, her name is Sheila and i miss shopping with her (para na man ganun ka rami! hehehehe) and of course i missed having coffee with her. To be able to finish all personal errands and meet loads of friends , i had to cut my courtesy call short and headed for the gown fitting for this Sunday's wedding. Whew! for once in my life, i though ang hirap pala maging celebrity...you have to be with everybody if possible...duh! hehehe... my first night in Davao ended with an overnight at Samal Island with the "eating friends" sorry n lang i didn't get to see Andrew, who by the way, just came from the bar exams in Manila, atty sana na man...pede mo na kaming i defend..bwahahaha.... we were the same people but we were definitely better, i hope? tama ba chel? and of course we were old er but we are still the same beautiful people... my 2nd day started with a good morning sun at the beach, wala nga lang picture kase wala d ko inabutan...damn! i was so asleep...hehehehe...chel and i left tibo and geof to doze of until lunch (according to my source) because i had to by with my family and relatives in calinan, we had to visit our farm ehem yep, our farm...hahaha..ngaun lang kase inasikaso...but nevertheless, it was a good trip! we ended the farm visit with a sumptuous(? tama b speling?) hehehe.. durian feast..not the candy but the fruit! my gosh...as expected i had lots and i mean lots of it....hahahaha sympre mahal kaya sya sa Cebu...pagbigyan... i ddnt have the chance to rest and take a nap when i got home i had to prep right away for some tet-a-tet with Sheila. Instead of having coffee at the Yellow Haux, jeezz...i wish i tasted their coffee. The alternative was better and fun as well...we stayed all night long until the wee hours of the morning at Maja's house and created our own Vudu (for cebu peeps) and Pops (is it?  for Davao peeps) nothing beats the tequila with tequila rose with washing ng red horse! hahahaha...and no one saw our ledge dancers but us....hahahaha... you thought that was how i ended my night, right? hahaha...i had to cut the party short cause i had to be with my highschool friends...at 3am...yep...at 3 in the morning...hahaha... my trip back home's primary purpose was to attend my highschool friend, wella's wedding. since the wedding will take place at Waterfront, we had to sleep there so, that's it i spent my sunday with Wella and Michelle, it was a whole day affair, d pa lang pedeng ilang hours lang ang prep...hahaha...it was a beautiful wedding, one that you've always dreamed of and always wanted to have...and yes! finally they tied the knot.... the wedding ended at 9pm and i was not planning on sleeping just yet...i still had to do another courtesy call to my relatives and it was good to see them! my cousin giles...grabe and tankad..hmmm..bat kaya ako short sa height...hehehehe...and then of course my aunt aissa who was cool...kase parang dalaga pa eh...hehehehe... finally, at around 2am, i had my sleep and spent the night at home..oh and by the way did i mention that i took a bath for 45 minutes...just enjoying the water...nothing beats davao water tlga...sobra! at 12 noon the water still feels like cold water fresh from the fridge! hahahaha.... on the day i had to go back to cebu i had lunch with Sheila and talked about everything that we missed talking about last saturday and i was also hoping to catch up with pervy but she was some busy body...  did i miss anything out? just go and check out the pictures of the frustrated photographer... ciao!
i was preparing for it at the same time hoping that it will push through weeks from now...then, when i checked my mail...it came as sort of a shock...it was the day...the day i was dreading because i dont know if ill make it or not. all i did the whole day was think of answers to possible questions. i had butterflies in my stomach and all i had for that day was a cup of affogato (thanks jip! nilibre mo ako...) and i didn't feel hunger when all i had eaten before that was just breakfast...hehehe.... i was hoping that 8am was really really hours away.... hmmm....i was really thinking this was something i had to do for myself so i can actually see i am doing something about where i'd like to be in the future... the assessment itself was kind of a blur but i know i was actually doing good when i can see jip and tl bless nodding this way and that... it was good that i heard their comments and the decision... it's a go!...whew, what a relief... next, please? the challenge...is soon to be discovered.
it is difficult to be caught up in your friend's dilemma with love. sometimes, it's good to be clueless. it is so hard to choose even if you are not asked to. and do i even have to choose? for my friend, is it good to know the truth when there is nothing left of what was there before? who is to blame? another me caught in a friends dilemma....
dahil sa katangahan ko na basain ang camera with seawater! ang camera n minsan naisip ko gastos lang eh.....sira na....it was when we went to bantayan...1st time ko dalahin sa beach ang camera 1st time din sa bantayan at 1st time ko ring masiraan ng camera...what a day! but what can i do? i cannot cry over spilled milk...naku talga! after that bantayan incident i took it to sony service center (dahil na sanay sa mga calls n maghanap ng service center and not just bring it to paningkamot repair centers..suri for that)...the technician looked skeptical when he took my camera to check on it...and when he came back...i was the one who looked skeptical...at sinabi nyang...if i had to ask him to repair it i better buy a new one! a mother board costs as much as a new camera....what the! tlga...dun ka sinabi sa sarili ko...oh yes, nasa putikan man ako ngaun...ako ay babangon at bibili ng bago...hahahahaha....
that was really fun! first time ko mag road trip on a motorcycle...pero
sympre confident lang ako pag si dex ang nagmamaneho...naku, d ko kase
makalimutan ang motorcycle accident hmmm...2 years ago yata yun eh.
i was able to see the rest (i think) of Rizal and then i saw the other
side of Laguna, last thing i remember about Laguna is Enchanted
Kingdom...hehehehe.... this side of Laguna is really interesting...it
has a nice view of Laguna Lake, i saw acres and acres of rice field and
saw the farmers harvesting the rice, how good they are with their hands
because of the wood carvings i saw along the way and then came the
exotic food is boasted as well.
d kinaya ng powers kung kumain ng palaka, ahas at kung ano ano
pa..sting ray lang...eh, para na ring isda un eh...hahahaha...ok n man
ung lasa nya parang kmain lang ako ng tuna...
on the way back home, we stopped for some japanese corn...ang sarap
rin..hmm..it was really one of the best road trips i ever had...half a
day lang un...sympre aside from the fact that kasama ko c dex.
i'm not much of a camera person. in other words, camera shy ako...but recently, i discovered i want to own a camera not because i want to take pictures of myself endlessly but i want to create my very own photoblog.
At dahil wala akong budget for that ultimate camera...to become a photographer (out of hobby)...ill use that digicam i've been wanting to buy so i can take pictures of life around me, to experience things through the lens...hmmm..another view of the things that goes around me.
i have been looking for that digicam for about 2 months now. i was thinking, bibili na nga lang ako, i'll make sure that i get everything i want. hehehe...did a little research on camera features and i realized what i wanted was the burst mode and the manual/auto focus so i can get that feel of a picture when i take it. i already found the one that i really liked its the a530 from canon because so far it fits my budget and it has all that i need. i was about to purchase it kaso i had other plans for my money pa so i think ill try looking for another one. hmmm..hirap ng may pinag lalaanan ung pera...oh well, ganyan talaga...till then...the search continues or ang pag iipon continues...hahahaha...wala lang tlgang magawa....kumusta na ang queueing...hay, pano tunaw na ang snow...
back to the camera thing...hmmm..i'll probably shop today for a camera besides the canon a530...window shop that is...
getting used to someone or something is easy, getting over them is one hellish thing...sometimes, it scares the shit out of us to go out of our comfort zone because if we do...we might feel that its the end of the world or worse, we might never go back.
this can also be good because it teaches us how to adapt to change, how to survive without the people or things that were always there. we even discover another side of ourselves that we thought never existed whether its good or bad.
my friend & i met up around 9 in the evening since i had to get some stuff for another friend. while doing an inventory, we got around to talk about a common friend who can have it all with just a little sacrifice to make but refused to do so because she feels everything is against her. a sacrifice is always good in the end. there are just things attained in the course of one's life through sacrifice and hardwork. then that's how we got to thinking, she feels at a loss because she's been used to her comfort zone and she feels she is not ready yet. when will anyone be ever ready for change? if change happens, just have to face the music and dance to the tune and somehow without noticing it you have just finished the song by just going along with it. at the end of that deep conversation we were just hoping we could change her mind.
quite a few times i have gone out of my comfort zone too fast too soon. it was definitely a very big step for me, creepy & mind boggling, but it was all worth it.
She is a 24-year old copywriter.
He is an architect.
They met and became lovers in college.
They broke up last year but remained to be "friends."
They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay.
They still date.
They still have sex.
They don't see anyone else.
It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real
score.
Even her friends are in the dark.
"Parang sila, pero hindi."
She works in a telecom.
He is reviewing for the board.
They are in the same barkada.
They talk on the phone till 4 am.
He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion.
Their friends are suspecting something.
Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman?
Why does he hold her close on the dance floor?
Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi?
Sila kaya?
"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants.
"But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
They work together in an ad agency.
After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta.
She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous.
They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it.
He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then.
But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him.
She likes him.
And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too.
There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
She is a 28-year-old virgin.
He's a 35-year-old bachelor.
Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs.
After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out.
They have been doing this for months.
She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it.
"We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends.
"What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phasewhere thepersons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may haveadmitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do thetalking foryou. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi. This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and youwant to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy--may karelasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl(sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo." This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sakunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling. Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi. Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos? Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls? Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us." Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing. When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita." Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya ...almost, but not quite.
--- forwarded to me by a teammate during downtime...ikaw? ano sa tingin mo?
i heard mass today and the priest was telling us during the homily that a lot of people want to do something extraordinary specially its the holidays, but people forget to do the right thing when you really think about it, doing the right thing is already something extraordinary.
the right thing can sometimes be painful, stupid, will leave you feeling numb and at a loss. how come then that it is something that is extraordinary? because its rarely being done and its constantly in question.
am i always doing the right thing? no. are you?
...and i got this from one of my very cool aunt, here it goes...
"how can we love people who don't seem to make things worth at all? why do we become so numb caring for people whom at times don't even think of us in a day or two? why do we let ourselves hurt & continue hoping for a love that makes us defenseless? and why do we prioritize these people who only choose us as options? are these the reasons why sometimes in love, we end up losing ourselves?"
i don't know where my aunt got this message but it definitely rings true because if it were not i would not get those interesting yet deadly replies from some of my friends...i think the person who wrote this or said this had a LOT going on...what do you think?
 | nothing | Oct 29, '06 9:15 AM
for everyone |
i'm supposed to write something about how i feel today but i didn't because as soon as i sat down i forgot all about it! i was engrossed in updating the pictures in my online accounts (take note! with an s...marami...kunyari) and as if i have different pictures posted. while i was being vain, i listened to some 90's music and made me think of how i loved those songs back in highschool and in college...and how silly i was back then...and still how silly i am right now, sometimes...most of the time if not all the time! hehehehehe...
I don't know. Its' just my birthday. 
Another year. A milestone. Excited. Growing old? I don't think of it that way. More like growing up...
So, what's important about it anyway? of course...ME!
Did i make sense? i think not. 
Friday Five has created a following.
Five Questions. Only asked to 13 beautiful people who are hidden from the rest of the e 6th floor population. As the name itself, its only every Friday but if the queue permits, it could sometimes happen on Wednesday's or Thursday's. Personal. Stupid. Silly. Mushy. Funny. Different questions every-time and it never dawned on me that it could be something worth doing.
It has created a following because it is never boring and you always wait for the answers of others to see how they think, how they feel and get to know them better than you think you can. A better way of getting to know everybody in the team rather than asking them in their face who they really are, don't you think? This is also a better way to make good use of an email that is only put to use by FrontDesk and IT spamming. =)
I'll probably post some Friday Five questions and let's see if it creates a following in here.
what to do on a long weekend? thanks! to US labor day...i dont have to work on monday...hahahaha...no calls, no nothing...but what will i do? watch tv? i will do that today! yep...that's the IT for today...tomorrow, is but another day!...hmm...TV again...ill probably read a book...monday? i dont know! oh well, come what may na lang....
...this one's something I have been thinking about and I am sure most of us have been doing this but the question is, have we been doing something about it?....yeah, i am guilty as charged! i search constantly and so far i have accomplished as far as my hand could reach i haven't fully realized my potential...i must do something...hay, naku this is brought about by too many things i would like to have....hahahaha...in other words...mga ka artehan sa life which i see has been a part of most people i know...maybe i could do it too...i'm definitely not making sense here...anyway...just thoughts...thoughts...tata! later...
Muesli (Müsli in German or (Bircher)müesli in Switzerland, pronounced ['mju:z li] in English, ['my:s li] in German, and ['myə̯s li] in the original Swiss German) is a popular breakfast dish (breakfast cereal) based on uncooked rolled oats and fruit.
Whenever gie (she is my sister, by the way) and I go to the supermarket, we always pass through the cereal section, and not because of the cereal but because of Milo, yep! good old Milo...don't ask...we like it...okay...anyway, I always see muesli on cereal boxes, I figured it must be some kind of cereal with a twist and my, was i right  ...and which I think is really good for people who doesn't get a healthy diet, most of the time. I know, I know, I am one of them... and I try, we try....we really do...
| i try | Aug 21, '06 5:25 AM
for everyone |
yeah, i try. i try to do something with this account....hahaha...
| |
